Junkyard quote - week 6

"My identity is lost in a pit of menthol ashes."

An amazing way of referring to someone who smokes menthol cigarettes. To lose who you are because of a person in a commonality and this brings a unique way a phrasing to the subject.

Response #2 - Week 5

I really enjoyed this poem or in a sense a prayer. I thought the first line is weak but it carries on from there into an enjoyable ride. You make it personal to the reader with the "fill in the blank" moments of the poem. The last stanza throws me off from the rest of the piece however and almost feels like another piece of work entirely compared to the rest of the poem. So maybe smooth that out a little better. Very nice job.

response #1 - week 5

The ending is very nice way to sum of the piece. I enjoyed the more obscure ways to speak of the consumption of the food. The vitamin D im not sure where its coming from whether its outside or with lunch. "white down the tongue" sounds strange to me. I think it could be reworded. Overall it is a good image of lunchtime.

Sign Inventory - week 5

One Art - Elizabeth Bishop

The poem repeats lines for reiteration such as "the art of losing isn't hard to master" and the word "disaster". The last stanza breaks the three line pattern. There is consistent rhyming throughout the piece. It goes from minor losses to something more detrimental. The gradual climb of what is lost. There is losing within control and losing out of control. Though things lost out of control are put in a spectrum of language that is appears that it was all controlled. 

junkyard quote 4 - week 5

"where the wine is pure and not mixed with the spit of corpses"

A line where a man is speaking of his girlfriend, referring to her as the wine. The man had just fought in WWII. 

Junkyard quote 3 - week 5

"I may be a little mad, however i tend to humor myself"

Through madness is entertainment. Creativity comes from the mad at times. Inspiration can lack some sanity.

junkyard quote - week 5

"irresistibly vile, candy to my lips"

something so tantalizing good can be bad something so bad it craved by us. The worst things for us are that which we are tempted to partake in, and many do partake in.

Free Write - week 5

Roadkill

A stench
Skittles, coffee, and rubber
three tires perched roadside.
Gas station cappachino for adults
Diet coke and slushies for the kids
My father pops skittles like pills
An anatomy exibit sits beside us.
A raccoon curled up in the fetal position.
I named him Rocky Balboa.
Ants crawl around the small intestines.
I'm tempted to join their feast.
Meditating in the gravel,
The sun sets yet we are fully alive.

I wanted to capture a family stranded on the side of the road due to a flat tire. The minor situation is something important to capture in a poem.

improv-ing - week 5

"Explaining an Affinity for Bats"

Explaining An Affinity for Lions

Drawn together under the sun

A pack, a pride, of pride

Tracked domain, territory marked

Slaughters echo in worship

Shadows of dusk, swift

Lush terrain to prowl

through the generations

creating life by the sun

festering in heat, aging

mortal, immortal through offspring

Living for the day itself

Fending for a lifetime

Calisthenics - week 5

"A thing"

Skull

abysmal holes of oblivion
perched solemnly glaring
judgmental sockets full of empty lust
sulking nose harvesting dust
cranium smooth and refined
logic worn away by time
fragility fractured and scared
jaw loose losing speech
empty words forgotten
image of humanity under dust

I wanted to take something that was dead and bring life back to it, so i chose a skull. The shade of past life.

junkyard quote - week 5

"tyrannical cup of tea"

Interesting to give such personality to a cup of tea. Must be equivalent to a strong cup of tea that seems overpowering. 

junkyard quote 4 - week 4

"we all go a little mad sometimes"

Almost like a madhatter sort of quote yet is actually a quote from the serial killer Ted Bundy, there is some truth behind it. None of us are the picture image of sanity, we all tend to lose it every now and them, some to more extremes than others, but maybe madness is simply human.

junkyard quote 3 - week 4

"Does God ever have reason to cry?"

This brings about the discussion of what control God has over us. If everything is to his will does he ever have a reason to cry? When those stray away from him by the christian faith's understanding, does he not mourn their loss or does he simply accept it and live peacefully with the order of things? It's an interesting question. Does God even have the right to cry? Would that make him less of a God if he did?

Response #2 - Week 4

You painted the picture very well of the dirty track students on a bus ride home.  i enjoy the slight sexuality about it was well. The word "butts" doesnt seem to fit in for me when i read it thought at the same time it brings up that adolescent language or vernacular. There could be more visual moments in the piece to convey that concrete imagery that this poem seems to lack slightly in. The more images the better.

Response #1 - week 4

there was a lot of reiteration which brings across the concept of filling out a form being draining and redundant. The words of questioning are interesting, how it asks the questions leading up to a loss of self when filling out the form and a sort of confusion or annoyance. As much as the poem is annoying with the repetition such is filling out the form you have have chosen to work with.

Sign Inventory - week 4

Wishes for Sons - Lucille Clifton

The poem is divided into four distinct sections. The poem delves into the pains of womanhood and depicts it rather accurately. Heavy emphasis on the menstrual cycle of women. The poem then digresses into menopause and the latter years of womanhood. Lastly there is the mention of gynecologists. This poem delves into the sexual  functioning and the medical aspect of women as if that is what defines us from males, that that is the only burden we carry, which was interesting.

Calisthenics - week 4

Litany

The Cat

Your subtle flesh runs against my shin.

Your claws of tyranny dominate your surroundings.

Why must you have such low tolerance?

Your eyes are like overpriced gems of torture.

Your lean body can get through the smallest spaces.

Your theft of small objects infuriates me.

Why must you claim everything as your own?

Your sharp teeth latch onto my flesh in furry.

Your vicious talons dig deep in my skin.

Your shriek of a calling runs a chill down my spine.

Why must you be so cruel to your overseer?

You hack up mucus on my precious belongings.

Your hair falls like snow all around me.

You have a quick temper and fast reflex.

Please release me from your fierce grasp. 

Improving - week 4

Robin Redbreast, The Pardon, Dead Horse, Traveling Through the Dark

A row of the damned walking in single file. 

Feet can not take them as far as they crave. 

A funeral pyre ready to behold the fragility of life. 

Brutes and beasts lacking class and disposition. 

Muddy with sores and raw debilitated skin, 

The animals groan anticipating death, 

A freedom from suffering and betrayal. 

I wanted to write a snippet of a dead animal poem so i tried to depict the line for slaughter.  

Free Write - Week 4

Failed Escape Artist

Boughs wrap cold arms around me,

Abrasive against my bare skin.

I secrete blood from the adorned thorns,

Which I wear like the crown of Christ.

Howl

I spot the vertebra of an estranged beast,

The caliber of a ripened brute ready to pounce.

Sedimentary I stand, shallow breathing

The sniper eyes spot me, amber glazed.

Howl

Confined by the air, I’m vulnerable.

I run like ink down a piece of parchment.

Where is the freedom I crave?

Everything is priced as I bleed

Wanted to write about the adrenaline rush of being in a chase against a beast where there will never be a victory. What do you do when you are set up for failure? Questioning of fate and when to accept it. 

junkyard quote 2 - week 4

"I've got everything from candy to gonorrhea"

The idea of the things that we can have or own is very vast. It can be from a disease to a sweet treat. A commodity can take many shapes and forms and needs to be acknowledged for such vast variety.

junkyard quote - week 4

"What if we were real"

It is a questioning of what is real or not to the point where it is questioning what if we are not real, then how would it be if we were real. A self-evaluation of the reality we predispose ourselves to live in. What makes someone real? How can you judge what is real or reality?

Response #2 - Week 3

I really enjoyed this. It was very lively and pained a terrific picture. I felt it was slightly cliched to say "Overlooked like the right answer" as though it was a little cheesy in quality but still a good line. i am also unsure about that "recyle, reuse" line, it seems to "go green" in nature and takes away from the effect of the poem slightly. But nothing to the extreme where it causes great issue. It is still an excellent piece of poetry you have written.

Response #1 - week 3

I am not sure i like it starting with "in venus", it doesnt suit the flow of the rest of the poem. I do like the images you are creating for the reader. The last stanza was very intense but i feel still good. I enjoyed the other worldly sort of images depicted here. very nice work, and i liked it ending on "i remember when". it was very nice.

Sign Inventory - week 3

Quisiera Declarar

There are short lines that break verily quickly. There are sequences of listing as compared to the actual form "quisera declarar". The poem is very long because of the short line length, and as many repeated beginning and ending words or phrases. The form format leaves creative gaps of space, such as the blank parts and the parenthesis "yes" moments in the piece. It is very snappy in rhythm.

improv-ing - week 3

Quinsiera Declarar

Improv:
First step is to
Let go of all your
inner struggles.
Free yourself
from your woes.
Become anew.
Sit crossed legged
On the hardwood floor.
Sit up straight,
as if your body
was pulled by
the strings of a
puppet. Breath deeply
in ten, out ten, in ten again.

junkyard quote4 - week 3

"I'm a collector of lives"

The idea of hoarding lives for ones own benefit is very unique concept on its own. The idea of having that control over other people's lives is a great power and burden to hold.

Junkyard quote3 - week 3

"A mirror to which i see everyone but myself"

This was to be the definition of satire, but is also a reflection of criticism in general. Any means of criticizing leads to a focus on that one thing you criticize and a move away from the self. To lose your reflection however may not always be a negative thing, it may work to your benefit.

Junkyard quote2 - week 3

"Specificity is the soul of the narrative"

This is very true. The more specific something is the more believable it will be and the more life it will have. Though poems are to be simplistic compared to narrative, there can still be specificity in the minor details to bring a poem to life and make it feel authentic. 

Junkyard quote1 - week 3

"Exaggerated Hello"

This expresses such over enthusiasm or possible a falsehood behind a genial greeting between people. Now one can not even take the sincerity of a simple hello for granted.

Free Write - Week 3

The Fog

A candy coated envelopes my body.
I cant see, breath, think,
Encapsulated in a tomb of haze and distortion.
A washed out existence caught between black and white.
I fester within myself as i solemnly sit.
To sulk and age, to sleep eternally,
Sleepwalking daze of disillusion.
Free me, wake me up, bring me tomorrow's light!


This is a poem i wrote while i was in my state of depression. It is a reflection of my depression when it comes on like a dark veil over my body.

Calisthenics - week 3

Angry poem

Collapsed tongues on an iron skillet,
The putrid odor slices your nostrils,
Fueled by your own decaying sludge.
Cracked glass lips fracture flames.
Heartburn bubbling to a dragon's roar.
Embedded splinters are your words,
I bleed out the sins you utter.

Response #2 - Week 2

i love "i heard lady gaga in his voice", its just so obscure its believable. I love the descriptive aspect of it and getting bits of a conversation as we define who "Sedrick" is and what surrounds him. It was a great way of creating a character in the poem.

Response #1 - week 2

This is very good in regards to imagery. I feel suing the world "spoiled" twice is too redundant. The birds come to life and paint a scene that is very toned down and casual. They bring a casual moment to life.

junkyard quote4 - week 2

"tarnished butterfly bound and held hostage"

The image of a butterfly on a display board pinned to place to suffer its fate of a miserable death collecting dust and debris and sitting in its own filth. It is the image of beauty turned to decay, for nothing lasts forever.

Sign Inventory - week 2

The End of the Weekend

- adolescent in language
- sexual energy through the piece
- connecting sin with sex and the debate tied along with that
- no direct mention of the owl, only indirect
- nervous awkwardness about that language
- sexual phrases like "fingered" used in an indirect sexual way
- at fathers summer home (not supposed t be there)
- omniscient parental figure lingering

Junkyard quote3 - week 2

"sexually real"

Brings to live sexual desires and making it seem like that is where reality is based off of, our sexual temptations and feelings, and nothing more. It is elemental to our nature and being (sexuality) thus being sexually real emphasizes this.

improv-ing - week 2

The End of the Weekend

A dying firelight slides along the quirt
of the cast-iron cowboy where he leans
Against my father's books. The lariat
Whirls into darkness.

Improv:

A bowl weighted with water sits in the moonlight
Where shadows of movement dart between
The stripes of metallic through the blinds.

Propped on a desk sat a globe in drought
Compared to its usual snowfall. Where a pretty
'Kitty perched inside the sphere on a pumpkin.

Free Write - Week 2

Once Upon a Time

Remember when the tap of the pencil in the desolate room
 matched our heart beats? Sitting in a room listening to scratches of
distant audio unsure of who we are. You want to be Prince Charming
to a damsel in distress, but are we not all ugly inside?
Your chunky chains of fairy tales restrain you keeping anyone
worth while. The villain is she who takes the prince off of his quest.
A villain am I. W never said a word, we never stood a chance.
We were a dichotomy of wrath. Preconceived order
Crumbles to disorder, so how long can you illusion stand?
Remember the trees and stars, a laugh to cut the silence,
As the moon glared.

Junkyard quote2 - Week 2

"Is an inverted rainbow as appealing to the eye?"

This quote takes a stereotyped word used in poetry such as rainbow and changes the perspective on it by inverting it thus creating a new image for it. It something so appealing seen in one light just as appealing as seen in another.

Junkyard quote1 - week 2

"crippled calling"

There is a sense of uncertainty and proper faith in the call when it is crippled. We all have callings in our life to do certain things, well this one is wounded, is mysterious because of that and thus is hard to trust and to rely on. The broken call for the broken soul.

Calisthenics - week 2

Introduction to Poetry

Why do you call me The Lie?
It pinches me enough it is nothing.
Not I, but he, who travels the words.
He is valuable or a wreck;
glass bottles, fallen timber, and rock rubble.
Were it sweet, it'd be my dew, his dew.
Sacrifice to him what is prescribed.