Create a poem influenced by a piece of literature.
Solitary shell
Entomology at its finest
Confined in his bedroom,
This human hybrid with more legs than words.
Demeaned and degraded,
Left to starve and waste away.
A girl, a sister, breaking customs,
Going behind enemy lines.
Putting forth an offering of milk and scraps.
This creature, frightened, is still man.
Yet succumb by an apple, a fruit
Leads to his demise,
Left to rot on the floorboards he could not escape.
And the girl, sister, left in the shadow of her brother.
Haunted she may become like him.
This is a poem based off the metamorphosis by Kafka.
First, let me say that I love your choice. Kafka is one of my many heroes, though "The Metamorphosis" isn't my particular favorite (I still, nonetheless, love it, of course).
ReplyDeleteAnyways, I love the line "This human hybrid with more legs than words." Since I already knew that Kafka was the influence, I can't exactly say how I would respond to this line if I had not known. However, especially knowing this, I think it brilliantly describes the state of his existence: it's short, quick, and easy, but it encompasses his very essence. He is, in fact, a bug ("more legs") with a man's mind ("human hybrid") and no ability to speak ("than words"). Bravo, really, bravo!
I wonder about the first line, though. Could the poem do without it, or do you feel that it adds something to the overall composition? For me, personally, I think the line "confined in his bedroom" would be a great opening. It establishes setting and provides a springboard/catalyst for the lines that follow.
Also, I would seriously consider reworking the lines "...breaking customs, / Going behind enemy lines." You've packed two cliches into one sentence (though it relies on enjambment). Reading other pieces of yours, I think you could find a clever way to solve this. This is, of course, dependent upon whether or not you agree.
I really hope you keep working on this one in particular, though. I think it has great potential.