Succumb to yonder howls
The window squeaks
The air breathes
A broken jewelry box
A broken branch
The creak of my rocking chair.
My hands trembling violently
On my desk over shattered love letters.
The gun gripped in my fist.
The wolf confines me.
I started writing some scraps of a poem inspired by a scene in the novel i am writing. It isnt very good, im not a great poet, but its a start at least.
I think this scrap of a poem is a good start. I think this poem is from a scene where a lover has been abandoned with nothing left but old gifts and letters from their ex. Uh. At first I didn't know what was going on but you were just setting the scene and with "smokey air" I got a view of like a cabin on a mountain side away from the city. When it gets to the seventh line the lines get longer and I understood the emotions the person was feeling. Ant the short, brief lines in the beginning made me feel isolated.
ReplyDeleteThe dark sense you give to the poem is great. The words you used are great and describing something dark and gloomy, if that is what you are going for, you are headed in the right direction. Although, in the first few lines I notice line breaks, but no punctuation was added to instruct me as the reader, where i should pulse. I feel there should be a comma between the second and third like. A pulse between those lines, would add more mystery, it would help the readers understand what going on, because would be forced to stop by the punctuation to take, the details in.
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